The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
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Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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