you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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