Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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