Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
