Pregnant stripper...not hot.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
