Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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