Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
