i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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