I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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