Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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