apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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