Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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