Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
