I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
