her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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