you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
