Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
