I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
