you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
