There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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