His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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