hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
