I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
