Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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