Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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