You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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