and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
