Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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