I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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