I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
