I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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