sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
