And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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