I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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