After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
