and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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