I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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