She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
