she woke up with a sticky ear
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
