I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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