a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
No more Irish car bombs ever.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
