WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
