I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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