I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
