You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
