Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
