My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
