I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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