why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
