i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
