I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
