we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
