I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
