I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
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I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
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I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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