dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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