You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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