Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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