Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
dude i'm inner monologue high
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I checked into jail on foursquare
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
