I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
