I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
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