Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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