i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
