I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Randomize
