I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
