Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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