I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
